Day 8 – Santa’s Lady Partner

In my search for all things Santa I realized I had been ignoring the most important thing. Mrs.Claus. Who is this woman? What makes her tick? How would she feel about naughty Santa hosting a Ladies’ Night in the middle of Boystown? Well, I decided that my version of Mrs. Claus is a badass. She’s always baking the best cookies, giving me awesome foot massages and for the month of December I get a free pass to do whatever I want outside of work (I think she just allows that so that she can have free reign with the elves while I’m out of town. Think about it, one woman and hundreds of elves? It’s kinda like the Smurfs.) She also puts up with me spying on millions of children and naughty women. Somewhere in this post I wanted to write that she loves Santa because he’s good at slipping into tight places. Well, I just did.

While studying other versions of Mrs. Claus I came upon this highly disturbing image of the Claus’. Are they trying to strangle each other? I’m pretty sure they are. Not the happy couple that I always imagine.

Last minute things I’m thinking about before my first gig in public (as in, I have to walk into a restaurant and be led to a private party room… Should be an interesting commute to ‘work.’):

  • I should have bought a wig cap.
  • Santa has his nose pierced right? Well, this Santa sure does and will not be removing it.
  • Do I have enough candy canes?
  • Have I memorized enough Santa pick up lines?
  • I should practice a few HO HO HOs before tomorrow. Santa-ing in the shower?

Wish me luck! I’ll definitely be documenting the process and the day. Also, good luck to all the Burnett Breakfasters! Enjoy your holiday party, I hope to see you all after my Santa gig.


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