Well, that’s not totally true, I just thought it sounded kinda dirty and fun. I did however practice different fat suit stuffings today. I read a few blogs, watched a few videos and then promptly decided that that was way to much work for a Sunday. So I took every kind of stuffing material I could find and laid it all out like a fat suit aresenal. In years previous I’ve taken one throw pillow and wrapped it around my midsection with a scarf. Well now that I’m a professional (Have I mentioned I have PAYING gigs? That means it’s technically a job which should go on a resume, more on that later.), I thought it best to up my game. I learned that the best fat suit stuffings are the ones where the fat ‘settles’ around the lower midsection and not to overlook stuff, like Santa’s Rein-rear (yeah, I went there).
The padding I like so far consists of pillows, scarves and a tshirt holding it all together. I added probably a little bit too much junk to my trunk because I’m feeling a little bit more like a “sassy diva” Santa rather than a “jolly, possibly diabetic, old man” Santa. The only problem I have now is when I sit down the ‘fat’ doesn’t go with me, it kinda just jams up into my chin like a backwards turtle shell. Oh, the trials and tribulations of our jobs.
Other things I have learned while boning up on all things Santa are the following:
Elfs are anywhere between 150(“Elf”) and 900(“The Santa Claus”) years old. One movie even insinuated that they were potentially tens of thousands of years old. I’ve decided my Elves are 500 just old enough to be antique and timely, but still a bit young in magic years.
The character Vern in “Ernest Saves Christmas” is the viewer, as in, you are Vern. I never thought I’d have anything in common with Ernest, but he also likes to dress up in Fat Drag. His costume is his over-weight mother.
There are a lot of rules that Santa must abide by. These are just a few:
- must find a Mrs. Claus or Christmas ceases to exist
- must pass the torch by midnight
- cannot be lactose intolorant